|
Temper Tantrums
Avoiding toddler tantrums on family trips (or anytime)
Over-tired, over-sugared, over-stimulated... Suddenly, you've got a howling little kid and a full-flown tantrum, for all the world to see.
So, what can parents do to minimize the toddler tantrum risk?
Tips for Toddler Tantrums
1. Bring along a good Bag of Tricks
Always bring more snacks and amusements than you think you'll need. Here are some suggestions: What to put into the bottomless bag of amusements for long trips
2. Be a Mood Manager
The old saying "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" is apt for tantrums: it's far, far better, to spend five minutes reading a story, or looking for a lost Smartie, than fifteen minutes dealing with a child so frustrated she loses self-control.
First point about moods: Make sure your child's physical needs are met before they become a crisis. Offer a snack or drink long before he's desperate.
Also: Try to manage expectations. If there's a danger of disappointment ahead, prepare your child: "We'll be seeing lots of toys, but we can't buy one today"; or, "you might be too little for some of the rides".
3. Watch for tell-tale early signs of frazzled-ness
Now's the time for a distraction, a treat, a change in pace. When you see frustration start to mount: point out a funny hat, or a cloud that looks like your cat; try a funny voice or accent...
And If you feel yourself getting mad...
4. Try to sidestep, instead of locking horns
reflect what the child is feeling ("You feel really bad because that Smartie got lost!")
acknowledge the frustration ("It's so hard to lose a Smartie!")
try solving with fantasy ("what if we had a million Smarties"?)
give the child a chance to find a solution ("We're in a mess. Can we fix this somehow?")
5. Understand Your Child
Some kids are easier travelers than others: they can adapt to change readily, go with the flow... For others, the reverse is true. An excellent book called The Difficult Child emphasizes nine temperamental traits, including:
- intensity;
- adaptability: does the child deal well with transitions?
- sensory threshold. Some children, for example, are really, really bothered by tiny sensations - like the feeling of the seams in his socks! The parent tends to say: "that can't possibly bother you!" But: it does.
If a Tantrum Erupts...
The Difficult Child distinguishes between manipulative tantrums, and tantrums that are a genuine loss of self-control. If the tantrum is manipulative - the child howls in order to get what he/she wants - sooner or later you must make clear that this tactic won't work.
On a trip, however, the tantrum may be a real loss of self-control brought on by overtiredness, over-stimulation, too much strangeness...
The task is to help the child regain self-control:
stay physically present, holding the child if he'll permit it.
be calm and reassuring. "I know you're upset, but it will be okay."
don't get into big discussions about what's the matter.
distract if you can.
and correct the situation, if possible. (For example, if the child really can't stand the way his jacket feels - let him take it off.)
Sometimes, unpleasant as it is, all you can do is wait for the bad moment to pass. And though you may feel embarrassed by a tantrum in public: the world will not end. Move on to making good memories.
|
Return
Print
Send email
