Shyness and Smiles

Younger people, particularly women, often appear painfully shy to foreign eyes. DO understand, however, that to a great extent this is the product of traditional Confucian values...
Younger people, particularly women, often appear painfully shy to foreign eyes. DO understand, however, that to a great extent this is the product of traditional Confucian values: shyness is seen as an outward form of respect and is culturally ingrained and prized as a virtue. The retiring modesty of a woman tittering behind a discreetly raised hand and cooing in a gentle voice can be quite charming - but you'll be in for a shock when you hear this same lady giving orders at work or to her younger sister at home! Smiles are more complicated: it's a very Vietnamese trait, and people will smile at you wherever you go. This aspect of Vietnam maybe makes for a much more agreeable initial contact with people than in, say, Poland (sorry Poland!); but DO be aware that the Vietnamese smile in many situations where Westerners - and even most Chinese or other Asians - would certainly not. One of the authors of this book still remembers an early bicycling encounter with Vietnamese traffic that included a near-death experience. Narrowly escaping the crushing wheels of a truck and briefly coming almost face-to-face with its unconcerned river, he reacted in a totally non-Oriental way, screaming invective in any language that came to mind. According to the local order of things, the responsibility for avoiding any collision as entirely the cyclist's; no apology could be expected, nor was given. The only reaction from the driver was a fixed, humorless, toothy smile. Not a commiserating smile, not a derisive smile: simply an instinctive reaction to an alien and embarrassing situation, provoked by a (possibly insane?) foreigner.

More generally, emotions are expressed very differently by Asian peoples, when they are expressed at all. For instance, in Vietnam, embarrassment is mostly accompanied by smiles and overall sympathetic facial gestures. This is in sharp contrast to the Western way of showing embarrassment with downcast eyes, lowering of the head and a serious face. Misinterpretation is but a smile away. All this can take some getting used to for the newcomer: even when you are aware of it and have assimilated this intellectually. However baffling or mysterious Vietnamese smiles sometimes are they can also often be a very uplifting experience. If you are traveling through the countryside late in the day as the sun begins to set, when workers walk or cycle home from the fields, elated by the end of long hours of hard labor, your path will be lined with smiling, waving adults and children. It makes you feel awfully important: a bit like royalty, acknowledging the acclaim of your loyal subjects. It also can make your smile muscles and waving arm quite exhausted! There is however an exception even to the ever-smiling reputation of the Vietnamese. Smiles are definitely NOT part of the Government clerks' uniform. If you can wrench one from the bank teller, the post office lady or the train ticket salesperson, count yourself lucky.